Less Doing; More Loving

Sandy Coughlin is giving away some goodies and prompting thoughts about love of the 1 Corinthians 13 kind over at The Reluctant Entertainer.  Be sure to go check it out!

In answer to her question, "What part of 1 Corinthians 13 captures your heart?"  I answered,

"The first three verses - I find myself busy, busy, busy trying to be a great wife, mom, homemaker. . .  But my attitude can really stink sometimes.  It doesn't take long for me to see the real state of my marriage, kids, and home.  I can be "doing it all," but if I'm doing it all without love - without a loving spirit - it is all for naught.  My family (and God) would rather have less of the doing and more of the loving."

Be sure to go on over and join in the conversation and grab a chance or two to win a great prize!

Restoration

How do things get so off-track so quickly?  And why does it seem, after being completely de-railed, so impossible to get back on-track?

Over the past few days I've fought with my husband, saying some of the worst things. . .  I've lost countless hours of restorative sleep. . .  Pockets-full of opportunites to teach my children lost to cleaning, cooking, sleeping. . .  Every goal all but forgotten. . .

"I will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten."  ~Joel 2:25

How 'bout the mere days?  Can I repent and have them restored?  Can I get that time - those opportunites back?  Will God pick me up and put me back on track - push me along - get me going again?  I need a jump start.

I want a Dr. Pepper, a good book, some time alone. . .

All I need is Him - His grace, forgiveness, voice, arms. . .

"Lord, forgive me - forgive me my careless, heartless words; my innaction and wrong priorities; my failure to let You lead; my obstinacy. . .

"Lord, help me - help me to shut my mouth and open my heart and ears, my schedule and agenda, my life. . .

"Lord, guide me - guide me through life, marriage and parenting, and the nitty-gritty details of keeping house and teaching children that so often trip me up. . .

"Lord, restore - restore not just time and opportunity, but love and kindness - virtue. . ."

All is not lost.  Every goal need not be swept away to begin again.  God can put me back on track right where I came off.  I can start fresh, with Him, right now.  I can keep on, allowing Him to change me, to use me in spite of my weaknesses.  He can and will restore - right now.

I Love. . .

It's been a dry couple months, marritally speaking.  On the surface, things look great; my husband has been thrilled with an increase in, er, "passion".  But inside - in me - its been dry and empty and lonely.  I've had a sense of loss of intimacy.  And, perhaps this is selfishness and spoiled-rottenness on my part; I'd venture to say it is.

When our attitudes stink, we turn to praising God - focusing on the blessing He gives in both good and bad. 

I decided to apply this same principle to my dry, empty, selfish heart.  I decided to remind myself of all the little things I love about the man I married.  Like. . .

I love that he pretended to be asleep while I crunched my way through the latter half of a crinkly bag Goldfish crackers.

I love watching TV with him. . . way too late at night.

I love his parents. . . really.

I love that he took me to dinner and a movie instead. . .

I love how he tries to figure me out. . .  Tries.

I love hugging him.

I love that he's learning to let me be me; and I'm trying to do the same for him.

And the list goes on - each day paying attention to why I love him, how I know he loves me, how God has blessed.  More gratitude.

Gratitude 1

1.  Seeing my little 2 year old look up sideways with such admiration and love at her oldest brother.  "I wanna sit by you."  Such a special relationship they have always had, will always have with eachother.

2.  My skinny little 4yo who put all his strength into helping me shovel ice and snow from the driveway - so determined to be a masculine helper and savior to his momma.

3.  A good book and the encouragement of knowing I'm not the only "bad parent" out there.

4.  For things like in-laws and formal gatherings that remind me how much I need the grace of God.

5.  A husband who wanted to take me to a dressy work-related event; but chose, instead, to take my introverted, tired self to dinner and a movie instead - I think that made my week.

6.  Dark chocolate.  I know it's petty, but I love it and am thankful for it.

7.  Good friends who force me out of my shell, and make me comfortable with the uncomfortable.

"The Church is the only society that exists for the benefit of those who are not its members."  ~William Temple

What I Think Is Most Important - Part 3

We continue to pray and read short snippets of Scripture at meals.  We, even I (sometimes), keep getting out in that cold yard and enjoying a breath of fresh air and a chance to check out the wonders of God's creation every day.  This week our habit was reading, at the very least, one picture book or chapter per kid each day.

I know four picture books / chapters does not sound like a whole lot.  And some days, it isn't; and those days we do a lot more reading.  But there are many-a-day when it seems a stretch to even get this small minimum in.  Those days when kids or mom are sick or over-tired. . . those days when daddy has other plans for the family or we get an unexpected invitation. . . those days when dirty laundry starts to stage a coup or all our main living areas begin to look like they were hit by bombs. . . those are the days - and, in this season of motherhood, they are more often than not - that we do good to get our four-a-day in.

And we had a couple of those days this week - just one or two. 

And, honestly, it felt good to think through the day as I lay in bed at night and mentally check off prayer and Bible reading, 30 minutes outside, and 4 books.  I could then say to myself, "At the very least, you got these three most important things done." 

And then I could sleep.

The Then and Now of Romance

It was so easy to be romantic back then - creatively romantic, that is - before marriage, kids, responsibilities.  Little gestures like cleaning and organizing his room, having dinner at Waffle House every Tuesday night, walking along the river or the beach, giving little gifts that cost so little yet meant so much. . .

. . . like the taco and accompanying poem. . .

I kept it up for a while, but like affection for pets, exercise, and out-of-town travel, these romantic gestures I used to show him slowly fell by the way-side as we had one, two, three, four kids.

So, how do I begin to reclaim a little of that romance now?

I think it begins by recognizing how we've both grown and changed - how circumstances are not the same - how some of the same gestures and gifts would not mean as much now as they did then - how some resources are more limited now and others are more readily available.  The romance changes a bit. . .

. . . but reclaiming the romance also requires recognizing that no matter how we've both grown and changed, we both still want to know. . . we want to feel. . .  love, affection, devotion, acceptance, preferance, passion, romance.

I'm dedicating the next couple weeks to loving my husband - focusing my attention on it more than I have in quite a long time.  I'm beginning my days chosing just one simple way to show him love.  I'm ending my days thinking about what I most appreciate about the man I've decided to spend the rest of my life with.

Beginning with decision, ending with gratitude, and filling in the middle with love-in-action.

Finding lots of encouragement and good ideas at A Holy Experience, too.